Be there for him and listen to him

Dating a girl who is going through a divorce

Don't sacrifice your future on a new relationship. While he may serve as a distraction and help you avoid some of the pain of your divorce, you will eventually need to face those emotions. But with a single parent going through a divorce, this is easier said than done. Even though it may seem like your divorce is taking forever, you owe it to yourself to not stir up the dust. Even if your husband has carried on numerous affairs during your marriage, he will not think that you are justified in seeing someone new at this time.

However, sometimes the right man comes along and, even though he is still technically married, you wish to pursue a relationship with him. He is likely to be on a roller coaster of emotions and needs someone to listen to him. No matter how ready he is, getting back into the dating scene may bring up insecurities and anxieties.

But it is wise to hold off on the dating scene until after your divorce is finalized for a number of strategic, legal, and emotional reasons. It would be a shame to forfeit your future support on a relationship that may not last. You can be a supportive listener while also setting appropriate boundaries if you are uncomfortable.

As you see, a relationship with such a person requires a great deal of patience and self control and lots of holding back of feelings. Warning As possibly the first new relationship since the end of her marriage, you may find yourself as a rebound, someone who was the right guy at the right time, but maybe not a long-term partner. Not only will both you and your husband's conduct be scrutinized during a custody case, but also so will be the conduct of your boyfriend. This means that the people involved are hurting on a very deep level, and are probably not in a position to think in a completely rational manner.

And if you truly care about this woman, keep in mind that her marriage, divorce and family situation are simply part of what makes her who she is. While it feels good to be needed and wanted, it's unlikely that you're emotionally ready to deal with a new relationship. These preferences are common and are not necessarily an indication of his feelings toward you.

Wait until after the divorce is finalized before you start to date. Now, one might wonder whether you should even bother dating a man going through a divorce or a woman, for that matter. He may feel inadequate or insecure, despite really wanting to put himself out there again.

You may think that

At this point, the couple has probably even been living separately, and legalities aside, they are no longer husband and wife, for all intents and purposes. Let him know that you understand the need to go slow and you are willing to wait as long as he needs. This will put your boyfriend smack-dab in the middle of your divorce, which is a quick way to put a damper on your new relationship. Post-divorce is a time to separate from the role of spouse, redefine who you are, and accept a new identity and lifestyle.

Considerations Depending on the stage of the divorce proceedings, there's always a chance that the woman and her almost-ex-husband could reconcile, leaving you in an awkward place. It can also have a big impact on whether or not you will receive alimony and how much you receive. Anger, disappointment, and resentment may brew, especially if the blame game is being played, and hurt feelings may come to the surface as the loss of the marriage is processed. Separation and divorce are two of the most emotionally draining, difficult, and painful life events someone can go through, and many married people will experience these stressors in their lifetime. That is to be expected but it usually dies down, as they see that the person going through a divorce is actually happier with you around.

You may think that you are free to start a new relationship once the decision is made to separate or divorce. You can decide whether to date someone going through a divorce on a case-by-case basis as there is no need to approach your dating life with rigid rules. He earned a bachelor's degree in journalism from the University of Oregon. When you are going through a divorce, you're usually not in a mental state to make permanent choices. While the length of time he has been single is important to his readiness, it is not everything.

You can decide

However, it may be an amicable separation and the divorce proceedings may be a formality free of additional stress or pressure. To have a successful relationship, you must accept this. This can even apply to temporary support order, because once again, you are sharing the expenses with someone else. Be there for him and listen to him. While emotionally charged, this time can also be exciting and liberating, filled with new beginnings, freedom, relief, and hope for a better future.